Detroit Area Wedding Guide
Wedding Vows
Traditional to Modern Wedding Vows
Traditions still reign with both the wedding ceremony and the reception but as societal values change so do some of the outdated customs. One of those customs that has moved into a more modern day existence is the narration of the wedding vows. Specifically, with the upsurge of women's lib and the equality of the sexes, women objected to having to 'obey' their husbands and requested the wording of the standard vows to be amended.
Further, many couples have now chosen to write their own wedding vows. Personalized vows allow the couple to say exactly what they feel for one another. The vows are the promises that are made during the ceremony and in full witness of all the guests. Couples either write their own vows or amend the standard vows to make a personal statement of their love and commitment to each other. While the ceremony itself is legally binding, the vows alone are not. But for couples who have written their own vows, they know in their hearts the promises that they have made for a lifetime.
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Regardless of whether the vows are legally binding or not, there are, however, still some churches and faiths that do not allow personalized wedding vows. Before deciding on a church, if you and your future spouse have discussed amending the stipulated vows or using your own vows; speak with the clergy long before you choose the church for your ceremony. In addition, you should also be clear on the wedding vows when being married through a civil ceremony. Do not assume that because it is your wedding, you can make the final decision on the vows.
Writing wedding vows has become a business. Although, many couples dream of writing their own vows, it may not be possible for them to find eloquent enough words to complete their own vows. They may enlist the help of a professional wordsmith, a poet, a songwriter or some type of author to offer some suggestions.
Before choosing someone to write your personalized vows, read other material written by the author before choosing. There are many talented people who write lovely prose but one basic thing to remember is that only you and your intended know your love and true feelings for one another. Does the author know enough about you to guide you in writing something so personal as your wedding vows?
If you do decide to literally write your own wedding vows, here are a couple points to help you:
Do not try to write the vows the night before the wedding. Spend some time in advance and polish your words to your liking.
Rehearse the vows so that you are able to say them coherently and without sounding like you are reading something you memorized. You may keep a cheat sheet if necessary.
If you absolutely cannot talk in public and are terribly afraid, then you might be better with the traditional vows that the officiant will dictate to you.
To start writing your vows, write a few points on a sheet of paper.
Think about what you want to promise and how you feel about your future spouse.
Write thoughts down on paper as you think of them.
Plan your personalized vows together.
While it may seem romantic to be surprised on your wedding day by the other person's promises, you may be surprised in a negative way feeling embarrassed by what the other person says.
Also, you each want your vows to be about the same length.
You will want to say similar things to one another. For example if one professes undying love in a very serious statement and the other chooses to be funny, one of you may not be happy with the effect.
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Remember that the wording does not have to be perfect. You are imparting your own sentiments and not every one is truly creative.
Other ways to help you write your wedding vows are reading love poems, listening to love songs and asking others to offer romantic words as examples
Indeed, whether you choose traditional vows or personalized vows, serious or funny vows or long or short vows, one of the points to remember is that you do not need to feel nervous and anxious over the vows. Even if you do not feel that you can speak in front of others, you will find the courage and strength to say what you feel on your special day.
Lastly, if you are so nervous that the whole idea of writing vows and saying them is going to make you sick and cause you more anxiety than you really need, it is not a good idea to use personalized vows. You may quite acceptably use the standard vows as they have worked for millions of people over the years.
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