Detroit Area Wedding Guide
Choose your wedding party
Choosing your Wedding Party
While the traditions of weddings are steeped in history and culture, superstition, too, has played a role in wedding day ceremonies. The original reason for enlisting a wedding party was to ward off the evil spirits. Supposedly if others dressed like the bride and groom, there would be confusion in determining which specific individuals were the actual marrying couple. Thus, the evils spirits could not impose their bad luck on the newlyweds.
Of course, nowadays, the role of the Wedding Party is more functional in that there are duties attached to the positions. The people who attend the couple at their wedding ceremony and reception are the wedding party and may include:
Maid of Honor or Matron of Honor (maid for a single girl and matron for a married woman)
Bridesmaids - attendants to the bride next to the Maid of Honor
Flower Girls - may throw a walkway of petals before the bride comes down the aisle
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Best Man - maid of honor's male counterpart responsible for the stag, picking up tuxedos, the rings and other duties
Groomsmen or Ushers - male attendants who seat the guests and stand beside the groom and best man during the ceremony
Ring Bearer - usually a small child and generally a boy is chosen
Sometimes, if the bride has a very long train attached to her gown, she will also have several young boys or girls carry the train for her.
Much thought should go into choosing your wedding party. Not only do you not want to hurt any feelings, but you also need to make sure that the persons chosen are able to fulfil the duties of attending you. Many people are under the misconception that the attendants serve a "showtime" purpose. And while the wedding ceremony is beautiful with the colorful dresses and sharp tuxedos, the attendants' roles are to help the bride and groom and take on some of the burden of preparing for the wedding.
Several factors go into choosing the right wedding party:
Budget - Depending on the size of the wedding, many attendants may be chosen or possibly just two, one for each of the bride and groom.
Long Distance - This factor makes it difficult for some people to make a decision. Because the idea of being an attendant is to aid the couple, attendants who live far away cannot help and in reality are not able to carry out the function. But if the bride's sister or best friend is the Maid of Honor, she may not feel right having anyone else hold that position. She may ask another bridesmaid if she would be able to help with the errands and planning in the place of the Maid of Honor.
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Does the Person want to Fill the Role - Although, many people assume it is an honor "to stand up" for a couple at their wedding, some feel it is a burden and may not want to assume the role. There are many duties required of the attendants and some people either are not willing to complete the functions, do not have the work schedule that permits them much latitude to execute the duties or do not have the available funds to carry out the functions.
There are expenses involved in being an attendant. In the past most couples paid for the wedding attire but more and more, attendants are expected to purchase their own apparel for the wedding. Moreover, the attendants, particularly the maid of honor must use their own vehicles incurring expenses to run the errands. They usually throw a shower, which means they pay for refreshments, decorations and other sundries required for the party. They also must purchase shower and wedding gifts and lastly, they may have travel and accommodation expenses. All of this can be quite cumbersome to some people.
Given the expenses, the time and effort involved, the situation can become nasty quite quickly. If a person feels that he or she is obligated to fulfil the role and does not speak up and decline it, resentment may set in and the situation becomes difficult for everyone. It is wise to think long and hard about whether a person is able to take the position and also, when asking him or her, make it clear that you understand if he or she is not able to do it. Do not pressure someone to say yes when he or she clearly needs to say no.
What does the Chosen Person Mean to You - Usually when a person is chosen to participate in the wedding party, he or she is close to the bride or groom. The friendship or relationship is special. Do not just choose someone to match up the sides and make the wedding party balanced.
Age of Children - When choosing younger children for the wedding party or to carry out a task such as throwing petals, carrying the wedding gown train, lighting candles, reading a poem, carrying the ring or just walking down the aisle, it is important to understand the child's character and personality. Some children are outgoing and jump into the task enthusiastically while others have difficulty around large groups of people. Remember also, that the day of the wedding will be different than the rehearsals. All those people sitting in the church pews will be daunting and even frightening to a young child and even some older ones as well. Do not force children who cannot perform at the last moment.
Lastly, after having chosen the wedding party, make it clear up front to everyone what is expected and for what they are being asked to pay. The wedding party is entitled to know how much it is going to cost them to participate and what commitments are expected of them. Thank you gifts presented to the attendants are also mandatory.
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