Detroit Area Wedding Guide
Choosing an Officiant
Choosing an Officiant
Wedding officiants come with many titles such as priest, minister, clerk, judge, captain, JP and even friend. They may have different and distinct duties from one another but the common thread between them is the legal right to perform a marriage ceremony. An officiant may be someone from the church or a place of worship; may be the captain of a ship; may be the Justice of the Peace; may be a judge or in some states may be a deputized person. How you choose the officiant for your wedding day will depend on your personal or religious beliefs, the location of your wedding and whether you prefer a church or civil service.
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While many people are opting for weddings outside of the church, most couples still regard the marriage ceremony as sacred and will choose the clergy from their church. In fact, many couples choose the clergy to whom they have been the closest, a clergy person who personally knows at least one of the couple and most likely their family. Usually, the person from the church will be of similar beliefs as the couple.
A wedding ceremony can still include the religious portions even if it is not held in the church itself. For weddings performed in the park or garden, the clergy will most likely agree to travel to the location to perform the ceremony.
From reading all the questions people ask about officiants in advice columns and online wedding forums, the most common question is "how much do we pay the officiant". The answers seem to be as diverse as the number of times people ask the question. When choosing a destination style wedding, there will be no question, as the price will be spelled out as part of the service. Likewise for a civil service at city hall, the price will be a set fee. The challenge seems to be when hiring a clergy person. In the old system, the payment was a donation to the church and the clergy was paid his or her regular salary. Weddings were part of the services the church offered its congregation.
But now, two things have happened. Clergy are branching out and performing weddings and other services apart from the church in order to supplement their income. The second issue is, more and more people are requesting services of churches to which they have no affiliation and the church is not necessarily prepared to offer the services cheaply to those who are not members.
When meeting with the clergy person, ask him or her whether this service is part of the church or whether there is a set fee going directly to the clergy. If there is a set fee, then ask the amount. If it is going to the church as a donation, then the church may allow you to pay what you can afford. Paying what you can afford does not mean paying as little as possible. If your have spent considerable amounts on everything on your wedding, pay the church accordingly.
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In addition, remember that is it customary to invite the clergy to the reception so make sure he or she is included in the meal request. If the clergy is traveling to your wedding location to perform the ceremony, travel expenses should be included as well. Where the family is very close to the clergy and the ceremony was exceptional, a thank you gift might be appropriate. Of all the officiants, the clergy person probably does the most work to prepare as he or she writes the ceremony from meeting with the bride and groom in advance and trying to personalize the service.
When being married on board a ship, unless it is a chartered cruise where you have hired your own officiant to marry you,weddings on cruise ships do not usually offer a choice of officiant. The captain of the ship is probably the only person legally able to perform the marriage ceremony so you wouldn't really choose. Likewise with destination weddings and city hall, you might not have a choice. Whoever is employed by the location will be the one who performs the service.
Quick Points to Consider when Choosing an Officiant:
Do you prefer a religious ceremony or civil service?
Does the clergy at the church know you and your family?
Is the officiant someone with whom you get along?
Does the officiant have the same beliefs and values?
Have you and your future spouse agreed to be married in one religion or the other?
Is the officiant able to tailor the ceremony to your wishes and speak about you as though he or she knows you?
Will the officiant spend the necessary time to prepare for the service?
Is the officiant willing to travel?
Has the officiant agreed to an appointment to meet with you to discuss the details?
One last thing to consider, and ask the Officiant is whether he will have other appointments set up for the same day. The last thing you need is for something to go wrong which delays the wedding and the officiant has to leave for another appointment.
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